9 days after wilt

Dear Jenny,

Hey. How are u today? Hope your chest pain doesn't attack anymore. You know, I really despise the fact that you being so ignorant about your health. Please care more for yourself before anyone else.

I’m writing a letter to you here because these are some things that I wanna express and some words that I cannot tell. Words that I hide and swallow into this bitter heart that still beeps strongly for you.

6 days in Bangkok. It was fun, no doubt. It was painful, too, in fact. From the airplane to the hotel. In the shower, and my every meals. Whenever I’m alone, watching people hug, hearing songs that we once sung together and enjoyed it.. tears my heart.

Every single night I shout to the sky, wishing the clouds will send my messages to you. I often isolate myself from the crowd, because I want to dwell in loneliness, so that I’ll feel better and think about you. I was strolling on the beach, wishing that you were here, ‘cause we both know that this is my favorite thing to do with someone I love.

The countdown was rather boring…. * wait.. u call.* I finally realize how weak I m in controlling my tear ducts. Your voice is the one thing that makes me weak. ……….

Anyway, the countdown was boring without you. We’ve planned to spend new year eve together since the last one was superbly awesome. But things happened and I coincidentally had this trip to go. Squeezing through the crowd was tired without you helping me to clear the way, aerosols and sprays were everywhere and unavoidable without you as an armor. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1.. ‘Happy new year Malaysia’, I shout. ‘happy new year Jenny’, I whispered. You kissed me on my forehead when the fireworks bloomed.. but this time my forehead is left empty with only cigarette smoke attached on it.

Unconsciously, when we talk, you still call me ‘dear’, something we used to call each other every single day. Then u realized it and apologized. I know it’s contradicting but sometimes I smiled when you accidentally call me that ‘cause it feels so so sooooo good! Indescribably good… then I tear when u say sorry. … stupid eh? Now u’ve replaced ‘dear’ with ‘girl’ in your texts. Don’t quite like it, but I’ll get used to it.

You’re leaving to Nilai today. Here we go again, I have to feel that heart-piercing distance that I’ve bared for months. It’s ok. Maybe your absence will help me kill my feelings towards you. *cross fingers*

We will definitely be so good friends, I promise, no matter what. We know each other more than anyone else. But one day I do hope you will have faith on the same God that I do.

I know that you would never come visit my blog ‘cause even facebook request you have not accepted mine. So I hope u don’t see what I write here at the same time hoping for the other way round. Contradictions!!!!!! Urghh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, take care and God bless.

Loves,

Sunshine.